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Public Service Announcement: Election 2012

October 23, 2012

Election Day is nearly here. The debates are over. Most minds are made up.

Still, some doubt remains among our young folks about what the commotion is all about. The days are getting colder, at least north of the Mason-Dixon Line, and at night the family huddles around the hearth. Dad says he’s going to the kitchen to check on the hot cocoa, but what he’s really doing is indulging himself in a snootful of rye whiskey. When he returns the kids ask, “Daddy, what’s a president?

“That’s easy kids. He’s the leading figure in a small group of men whom–and of whom only–it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.”

“Thanks, daddy. What’s a politician?”

Daddy excuses himself again to check on the hot cocoa and returns to the hearth. “An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.

Daddy not only has been visiting the rye whiskey bottle, he was consulting his copy of “The Devil’s Dictionary,” by Ambrose Bierce.

Anyone still reading him? If you want more accurate definitions of words than you can find in any dictionary you should give it a try.

My favorite is the definition of Bacchus: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.


From → Language, Verbiage

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